Women Talking

When the writing retreat in New Smyrna Beach finished, I headed straight home to my husband. Most of the writers at the retreat were women with two exceptions – the director and a friend of his known to most of the repeat attendees. By making the commitment to write a book, I’ve learned something important. You cannot take your foot off the gas. You can coast for a little to enjoy the scenery and take a break or two. Ultimately you have to get back on the road and keep moving forward. It is a choice. And no one has to make that choice but you. I hate that. During the retreat, I realized I do not spend much time in the physical company of women nor do I hear much directly about women’s day-to-day experiences. I never did which is an issue and consequence of my upbringing that I mean to address in my book. In recent weeks, I have connected with and become part of an enriching 3X weekly writing accountability group. We are women from a variety of backgrounds who live across the United States from Hawaii to California, Colorado, and Texas to Florida and as far down the continent as Costa Rica. Our writing interests are equally far-flung and diverse. A professional chiropractor is writing about sleep. There are two astrologers in the group and one of the regular participants is male. I like to chide him that his knowledge of astrology is so deep, he will need to put a glossary in his book. Another woman is a past professional webmaster and her contribution to sorting out our technological roles is almost as important as her creative endeavors. The 3X weekly writing group emerged from our mutual involvement in the Hay House Writer’s Community. Hay House has a twice-annual contest inviting book proposals from its members. The winning proposal will be published and receive a $10, 000 advance. Great incentive and it was the reason I initially joined the group. I was heading for the May 5 – June 5 deadline for submissions until I had a hard reality check. The sample book proposals Hay House circulated are in the range of 65 to 120 pages long. Color me intimidated. I am revising my expectations and internal deadlines. If I get a book proposal in this spring, I will have accomplished more than I expected. If I don’t, so be it and I will head for the next deadline in December. I am learning it is healing for me to be in the company of caring and intelligent women. For the longest time in my life, I wasn’t much interested. My mother was someone who might best be described as “more like the boys than the boys.” A lot of catchphrases like that floated around in the 60s and 70s to describe successful women who wanted and sought out power. It seemed they could only achieve it by doing what the men did in terms of competitiveness, empire-building, and outmuscling their competition for the roles and rewards that come with generating attention. It baffles me that women are still subjugated and dismissed across the board in society. A hopeful phrase now circulating out there is “the future is female.” Perhaps we are all done to death with the power imbalance of male privilege and energies shaping our lives. Or, more likely, young women have woken up to the necessity of creating their own power. If you are interested in an extreme example of women’s subjugation and their collaborative attempt to rise above it, see the Academy Award-nominated film, Women Talking. The script beautifully articulates the dilemma women traditionally live with. They love the men who are their husbands, brothers, sons, and relatives. But the women can no longer tolerate what the men consider their physical due. Either by complicity or by force. To say much more would be to spoil the film’s trajectory and ending. But I encourage women to see it. It’s tough going in parts but aren’t our lives inherently tougher than men’s? If this fact of life has escaped your notice, then you live in a very fortunate bubble. So if you are one of those lucky women, see this film anyway. It may horrify you, but it may also change and incite you. Women’s voices have often been seen as second-best to men’s voices. There is an ever-so-subtle shift away from that in the emerging generation. Today I get to reconnect with the writing group over ZOOM. Our writing sessions always begin with a beautiful meditation to ground our efforts and focus us on our writing. I so look forward to it. We get to catch up on the past few days, work together, share our work with each other, and implicitly hold each other up. This is alchemy at its finest.