Today’s writing prompt: What would you do if you lost all your possessions?
I have gone through that experience a few times in my life, literally and figuratively. Sometimes by choice. Other times by loss. theft, or my own omissions. I forgot stuff in various places occasionally. So annoying.
In the absence of solid social and family support, possessions became my anchor.
It wasn’t a rational substitute. But the mental and emotional preoccupation of “taking care of” stuff gave me the illusion of self-care and control over my personal domain.
Going through a lifetime of possessions over this past month drove home the lesson of how deep an illusion it was.
Life would be much tidier if we just came preprogrammed with all the requisite skills we need to succeed in life. But we don’t. Growing and growing up involves time and the mysterious alchemy of nurture and nature.
We can take inventory of all the qualities we inherit from our parents and extended family and environment. In to that mix comes the special sauce of our own character and personality that we bring to the table.
Our personal taste seems internally determined but is undoubtedly overlaid with the influences of our childhood home or homes. It is why we often see gaucherie or insecurity in the decorating tastes of the nouveau riche.
It is said that the middle class have things, and the rich have money. If you were raised in poverty or the middle class and come into money, that background is often manifested in excess. If you haven’t learned healthy boundaries or money management rules growing up, you may go off the rails quickly if sudden wealth comes your way.
On one of those fascinating, if squirm inducing, “I Won The Lottery!” shows, a middle-aged redneck took inordinate pride in the original Italian marble statues (imported directly from Italy!) that surrounded his oversize backyard pool.
He made a point of explaining why he didn’t give his teenage daughter an allowance. “She has to learn she will have to earn her own money,” he said, disingenuously. “Just like I did.”
Hanging out with people who have or come from money, you see how taken for granted or comfortable they are with wealth and comfort. Want something? Get it. Lose or break something? Replace it. Don’t have any at the moment? But I will.
There was no gnashing of teeth or wailing about how to get what they wanted or getting their needs met. When I was about 14, I tentatively asked my Dad for $5. “I already gave you $5 last week. What do you need more money for? “Tampons,” I almost whispered, writhing in shame and humiliation.
Our emotional relationship with things develop much like as our relationships with human beings develop. When attentive human beings are not consistently available to meet our multiple needs as we grow up, we compensate. We may then learn to divert our attention and seek satisfaction from things instead of getting our legitimate human needs met.
It’s a pervasive compensatory tactic.
“Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people that they don’t like.”
― Will Rogers
Today’s writing prompt asked, what would you do if you lost all your possessions? I might throw a party. I might pack a napsack and head for parts unknown. I might go to a meditation retreat center to think about what my life was before and after possessions held me in thrall.
If/when that day comes. I hope I will treat myself with the requisite level of empathy and compassion for doing what I did and felt I had to do to make up for emotional deficits in my life.
Until I finally learned to meet my normal human needs and find satisfaction in healthier, people focussed ways.
Expressive Compulsive 