Tag: Anthony Hopkins

Vellichor

Isn’t that a beautiful word? Want to know what it means? Do you think you know how to pronounce it?

Pronunciation is easy: velly – core. And it means this:

“The pensive nostalgia and temporality of used bookstores; the feeling evoked by the scent of old books or paper.”

https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/vellichor

This word and its definition triggered a thousand pleasant memories. Of the library at the University of New Brunswick – my first alma mater. Of wonderful old bookstores I would saunter through in Toronto or London, England. There were many smaller and obscure bookstores I would happen upon in my travels that evoked similar feelings.

The feelings evoked by the ambience and smell were always the same. Comfort. Coziness. Class and certainty. Books that were old enough to emit that odor had obviously been around a while. That spoke to their longevity and value.

Vellichor is as much an emotional response as much as anything else. It evokes the Zeitgeist of a slower and simpler time. I could spend a full afternoon wandering from one section to another in a bookstore or library in search of nothing in particular.

Bookstores and libraries are designed for browsing and browse I did. For hours on end. I fear its’ passing.

“Big box” bookstores have subsumed countless numbers of small “Mom and Pop” bookstores. Indeed, that very phenomenon was the plot line (along with the eventual romantic hookup between Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks) in the 90s hit movie, You’ve Got Mail.

Ryan owned a small children’s bookstore she inherited from her mother called The Shop Around the Corner. Hanks played the “villain” Joe Fox whose family owned business was mega bookstores. (Think Chapters, and Barnes & Noble, etc.) The two unbeknown to each other business rivals meet online and strike up a romance not knowing each other’s true identities.

And that is the plot wrinkle that the movie revolves around. Two business rivals with widely divergent business philosophies. Spoiler alert: Ryan finally decides to sell the shop as the new Fox Bookstore crushes her sales. Love wins out in the end. (Why else make the movie?)

But I bet Fox Books didn’t have the vellichor of The Shop Around the Corner. That quality cannot be bought or sold. Like fine wine or delicate soft cheeses, the aroma of fusty old books must gestate and develop slowly.

Another wonderful book turned movie along the same lines was 84, Charing Cross Road. That plot centers around a twenty year correspondence between US author Helene Hanff and UK resident Frank Doel, chief buyer of Marks & Co antiquarian booksellers, located at the eponymous address in London, England.

The film featured Anne Bancroft and Anthony Hopkins with a sweet and simple tale of a long friendship that unfolds in letters based on the writers’ mutual love and respect for books.

A reviewer notes how much The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, a novel comprised of only letters between the characters, owes to 84, Charing Cross Road. Each book (which later became movies) ooze simplicity and charm for what I fear is becoming a bygone era.

I’m not sure anyone even has the time and patience for that type of correspondence anymore. In a world where children are no longer even taught cursive writing, it is hard to imagine that era will come again. It is a great cultural and experiential loss.

Musty libraries and bookstores account for some on my happiest memories. I didn’t have a word to describe what it was about them that I loved so much before. Now I do. Vellichor.

Wherever and whenever I find it still exists, I shall deliberately seek it out. Like a muzzled wild boar seeking out truffles. The comparison may not be particularly flattering at first glance but the urgency and intensity of the hunt is completely in synch.

Books are an addiction I have for which I have no intention of seeking a cure.

Letting Go

The source where I found this says these wise words come from Anthony Hopkins. I’m a little skeptical. I will have to do some proper research to find out – if indeed he wrote them – when and where? A university graduation speech, perhaps?

Often people who become THAT famous have all sorts of positives attributed to them: even things they had nothing to do with.

That said, these words are perfect. And again, this morning as happened yesterday morning, they are words I need to hear. I am in a friendship situation where the overarching qualities are disrespect and arrogance. That was not immediately apparent.

Now that it is, it is time to cut ties. An unpleasant process to be sure. Like undergoing surgery to remove an unwanted growth that is hurting you. It must be done.

How long did I live in situations in my young life where I was not treated well and as I deserved? In fact, I was often treated very badly. I regularly gave over my well-being and self-esteem to others who misused and abused it. It is a common trait in trauma survivors.

At least now I recognize poor treatment from others and can reject it… even when it takes awhile.

′′Let go the people who are not prepared to love you. This is the hardest thing you will have to do in your life and it will also be the most important thing. Stop having hard conversations with people who don’t want change.

Stop showing up for people who have no interest in your presence. I know your instinct is to do everything to earn the appreciation of those around you, but it’s a boost that steals your time, energy, mental and physical health.

When you begin to fight for a life with joy, interest and commitment, not everyone will be ready to follow you in this place. This doesn’t mean you need to change what you are, it means you should let go of the people who aren’t ready to accompany you.

If you are excluded, insulted, forgotten or ignored by the people you give your time to, you don’t do yourself a favor by continuing to offer your energy and your life. The truth is that you are not for everyone and not everyone is for you.

That’s what makes it so special when you meet people who reciprocate love. You will know how precious you are.

The more time you spend trying to make yourself loved by someone who is unable to, the more time you waste depriving yourself of the possibility of this connection to someone else.

There are billions of people on this planet and many of them will meet with you at your level of interest and commitment.

The more you stay involved with people who use you as a pillow, a background option or a therapist for emotional healing, the longer you stay away from the community you want.

Maybe if you stop showing up, you won’t be wanted. Maybe if you stop trying, the relationship will end. Maybe if you stop texting your phone will stay dark for weeks. That doesn’t mean you ruined the relationship, it means the only thing holding it back was the energy that only you gave to keep it. This is not love, it’s attachment. It’s wanting to give a chance to those who don’t deserve it. You deserve so much, there are people who should not be in your life.

The most valuable thing you have in your life is your time and energy, and both are limited. When you give your time and energy, it will define your existence.

When you realize this, you begin to understand why you are so anxious when you spend time with people, in activities, places or situations that don’t suit you and shouldn’t be around you, your energy is stolen.

You will begin to realize that the most important thing you can do for yourself and for everyone around you is to protect your energy more fiercely than anything else. Make your life a safe haven, in which only ′′compatible′′ people are allowed.

You are not responsible for saving anyone. You are not responsible for convincing them to improve. It’s not your work to exist for people and give your life to them! If you feel bad, if you feel compelled, you will be the root of all your problems, fearing that they will not return the favours you have granted. It’s your only obligation to realize that you are the love of your destiny and accept the love you deserve.

Decide that you deserve true friendship, commitment, true and complete love with healthy and prosperous people. Then wait and see how much everything begins to change. Don’t waste time with people who are not worth it. Change will give you the love, the esteem, happiness and the protection you deserve.