Tag: emotions

Beginner’s Heart

Ha! I am all about anti-space.

I insist on filling every minute of every day and every neuron in my brain and every feeling in my body and every square inch of my living and working space with something (anything) to avoid uncomfortable feelings.

So along comes author Jeff Brown (again) and blows the lid off the limitations of the delusion that I live in.

Moving forward becomes hard to impossible.

Nothing is resolved. Only submerged and hidden beneath my surface and the surface of my life.

Waiting.

Am I familiar with the depression that arises from this limited space cramming/emotions stuffing strategy? Duh.

In this exchange, Jeff Brown (JB) and whoever M is (not me) have a conversation about depression and its likeliest causes. This spoke to me.

JB: No, Michael, there is not so much to be depressed about. There is much to FEEL. Depression is frozen feeling. Depression is what happens when we have blocked our emotional fluidity. You can be sad about it, but you don’t need to be depressed. We have repressed so much material that we are no longer energetically mobile. The very reason you hurtle into depression, is because you have not allowed yourself to truly feel the pain of the world. Rise above, rise above, that is your approach. How about go deep down in the trenches, and FEEL it, Michael. Weep for the world. Feel the pain of your human brothers and sisters. Let it pierce you. Let it rip you open. What you find on the other side just may surprise you.

M: Ugh. I can’t. I just can’t. It’s overwhelming.

JB: It’s overwhelming at first, because there is an extreme build-up of unfelt pain. If you release it, new space will be created. A new vista will rise into view. We need to keep the river of feeling moving. Sadness and grief are a fluid and vital experience. You feel it deeply, you cry and cry, and then it lifts. And you come back to what I call a beginner’s heart.

M: You mean beginner’s mind?

JB: No, I mean beginner’s heart… the freshness of appreciation that arises after we truly, madly, deeply feel and liberate our emotional holdings. You can only heal your heart with your heart. To do that we have to open the heart wide enough for its healing elixir to rain down on our pain. Why bury the tears that heal us? Why bury the emotions that fertilize our expansion? Emotional release is a potent way to regain a genuine experience of the moment. Tears are God’s heartshield wipers. They clear the dirt from our heart so we can see the path clearly. Let our quest for spiritual expansion begin with emotional authenticity. Nothing to hide, nowhere to hide it.

After all, enlightenment is not a head trip—it’s a heart trip, gusts of God blowing through the portal of the heart, the aortic love valve merging with the love that courses through the universal vein. If we want to expand our spiritual consciousness, we have to shake our heart tree often. Opening the heart unlocks the heart of the universe, and we see what is always before us. May we be committed to shedding the armor around our heart a little more with every breath…

(~an excerpt from my conversations with ‘Michael’ in Grounded Spirituality. Grounded is now available in bookstores and on Amazon (paperback, kindle, audiobook) at https://www.amazon.com/Grounded…/dp/1988648033/ )

Days Like This

We are all condemned to have the occasional “off” day or two. The gods of patience and acceptance I appealed to did not pay off. I am stuck where I am indefinitely instead of being where I really need to be. Normally I can handle setbacks and frustration. We all have to from time to time. But, damn.

I have a habit I’ve developed over several years now when I take an emotional hit. I don’t immediately react. I chill out for a while. I take a few deep breaths. I may make myself some tea. Even if I feel awful or sad or scared or something equally unpleasant, I take a minute. Instead of reacting immediately, I create some mental and emotional space inside myself. I wait until I feel strong and composed and ready enough to deal with whatever it is that needs to be dealt with. Trust me, this was an acquired skill.

There is no need to open up, let alone answer that bound-to-be disturbing email that just popped up on your screen. There is no need to answer your phone when you are not up to talking to the name that comes up. Once I remember, back in the days of dial phones, when my father was visiting, I let a phone ring in my house and fully planned to ignore it until it stopped. My father writhed in discomfort and finally blurted out: “Aren’t you going to answer that?” I didn’t.

I used to be at the beck and call of the world. When it wanted or needed me, I’d step right up. No matter what my needs and feelings were. I expect that is still necessary at certain stages of one’s life. As an employee, you ignore your boss indefinitely at your peril. But you still have the right to take a breath and focus on yourself to get grounded in order to tackle the task or carpet call that is coming.

The problem in the workplace, like every other group dynamic, is that there is a predictable domino effect. Emotions are contagious. So if you catch a whiff of anxiety, especially from someone in charge, it is very easy to catch it. I think being a good manager and even a good parent has a lot to do with modeling emotional self-regulation and self-care.

I wasn’t always as calm as I am these days. No sirree, Bob – whoever Bob is.

I would go off on just about anything if my ego was invested enough. The conflagration of neurotic emotions like anxiety, fear, and distress would take over and I would be off and running. My amygdala would completely take control. The amygdala is known as the lizard brain. It has only one function. Self-protection. It doesn’t think things through. It doesn’t say: “Hold up a minute.” It doesn’t seek to negotiate anything or even invite you out for a beer. Instead, it triggers lots of adrenaline to flow into your system with the classic “fight or flight” response.

A talk show host whose name I refuse to mention did once impart a solid piece of advice I have taken to heart. “You teach people how to treat you.” So if you choose to be a doormat, expect to be treated like one. If you have questionable self-respect, don’t be surprised if people around you question your value, too. If you are meek and mild instead of taking bold actions, expect the world to reward you in kind.

And if you don’t want to be endlessly bothered by other neurotics, let the phone ring. Call them back later. They will survive. Especially when you are having an “off” day.