Tag: good and evil

Good and Evil Basics

I used to be very confused about the difference between good and evil. It became something of an obsession. I tried to make sense of an adult world where there was a lot of saying one thing and doing another.

My mother used to talk about “white lies.” Statements that were somehow meant to “hide unpleasant facts” or “protect someone’s feelings.” It all seemed a little skewed and manipulative to me even as a young girl.

Sometimes it was a case of killing an ant with a sledgehammer. Overkill and unnecessary. Other times, it sure looked like someone (okay, my mother) was covering up some embarrassing lapse.

I am not advocating running around callously telling our complete truth to everyone we meet. That can get downright rude and cruel. And socially isolating. Integrity is based on the quality of your own degree of honesty with yourself.

It is a move away from the “nobody will notice” approach to morality to a perspective of “I will notice.” If we’re lucky, we eventually become our own gauge for standards and accountability. It is one of the key moral transitions we have to make to be fully adult.

So now here we are – full adults. The line between good and evil seems a lot less black and white rather than shades of grey on a continuum. Do I try to find the owner of that $20 I just found in the parking lot? Do I tell Auntie Mae what I think of her new fuchsia hat (with felt flowers) when asked? Do I decline the party invite outright or make up a mealy-mouthed (and dishonest) excuse?

Small challenges in the scheme of things, I realize. But small things have a way of growing into big things. And there is a universal truth about stepping over a forbidden line making it harder to step back into an honorable way of being. In the parlance, it’s called a “slippery slope.”

It is like the tragedy of crack addiction. It is often said one hit and you are on a runaway downhill train. Not starting something is a whole lot easier than quitting something we’ve begun.

On the upside, life does give us the gift of internalization in the maturation process. Once we have adopted and taken in a sense of morality as our own, we don’t think about it much as we go about our daily lives. It is just who we are. That’s a blessing.

The tiny discernments we make between good and evil do little to affect the larger good and evil in the world. But there is one thing that is certain, by being a good example of honesty and decency to yourself, you are not contributing to making things worse.

And you are likely a lot more interesting and pleasant person to be around. At least, compared to the legions of sleazy and lying schmucks out there.

After Midnight

Can’t sleep. Or, more accurately, woke up from a sound sleep to face the mid-morning dark and stillness.

I am not afraid of the dark. In fact, I rather enjoy it. That wasn’t always so.

I was afraid of the dark when I did not understand my own inner demons.

Pesky buggers, demons. For a long time, I didn’t understand them but I acknowledged them.

Acknowledging them, it turns out, was the most effective way to deal with them. By seeing them and calling them out for what they were, I was already on a healing path. But overcoming and actual healing from the damage they did took years. Still a work in progress, if I’m honest.

I had no healthy outlets for addressing my pain for many years. Society permits us to express and manage our pain only in prescribed and “socially acceptable” ways. Drinking is one of them. As are many other addictions: shopaholism, workaholism, workout-aholism. Not that that last one is even a word but you get what I mean.

I am intrigued by people who reportedly struggle with inner demons but claim to have no idea what those demons are or where they came from.

I never had that problem. My demons had human faces and clear memories of their inhuman acts. Still, it is common for the abused to not vividly remember the face of their abuser. It’s a protective device, denial.

That memory and the identity of their demons may be well hidden from the abuser’s consciousness until the psyche can handle and fully process what it knows. It is why that people who seem to have finally arrived at a safe place in life feel their difficult memories most vividly.

I have been fascinated all my life by what society determines right and wrong or good and evil. Those designations can vary from culture to culture.

The taboo against murder is pretty universal but there was a time when human sacrifice was the prescribed method for “appeasing the gods.”

Almost unimaginable in most of our cultures today, but once upon a time, the practice was common.

All to say, it is not past demons that woke me up in the middle of the night. Not scary and threatening ones at any rate. I was awakened by task overwhelm. I am juggling too many responsibilities and activities in a limited timeframe. I sometimes forget to remind myself that the pressure I am feeling, I am creating.

Guess my psyche decided to wake me up at 3 o’clock in the morning to deal with all of it. Silly psyche. I don’t want to be the one to tell it there is precious little that can be done about any of what I need to deal with at an ungodly hour.

For one thing, the tasks I am facing require people’s help. And oddly, I cannot count on them at 3 o’clock in the morning.

I have few other options at this point but to try and return fitfully to sleep. I can add to my “to do” list, so I do. I can imagine the ideal outcome I am striving for, which is, I realize, unrealistic. I can imagine a better night’s sleep eventually. But at the moment, I am stuck.

So I’ll hang on until morning. The perseverance strategy got me through many sleepless nights when the demons were very real and had real human faces. Blessedly, most of the worst of them are well behind me.

Whatever else it was that has decided to wake me up in the middle of the morning, I know I can at least stare it down and deal with it. Eventually.

Pick the Right Wolf

It is said that what we train our energy on grows. There is a whole logic about focusing on the positive to attract things you want into your life. Whinging and whining about what we don’t have is only going to make things worse.

If you’re broke, imagine what you would be able to do if you had enough money. If you are in a soul-crushing job, imagine what an ideal work environment would look like for you. Anything that we ultimately have in our lives comes true because we first imagined it. It didn’t necessarily have a concrete shape or form or location, but we could see ourselves living that life in our minds. It took me decades to learn that lesson.

It also takes courage and action to get there. You cannot sit in a meditation cell and acquire the house of your dreams. But time in a meditation cell may focus and clarify your mind sufficiently to help you decide if the house of your dreams is what you really want. Maybe a shack on the beach is the house of your dreams. Everyone has different aspirations.

We must believe in what we want to achieve and then aim for it. In young adulthood, I straddled the fence. I saw myself as competent but couldn’t maximize the opportunities that came to me. I was the Queen of second-guessing and self-doubt. I felt I had value to share but didn’t see myself as valuable. I felt external honors that came to me were undeserved gifts and not earned. That ambiguity of purpose and worth creates an internal world of cognitive dissonance. Many women are familiar with “imposter syndrome.” And so, we aspiring (and usually female) professionals were told to “fake it until we make it.” It can take a long time to get it together.

My friend Judee Doyle is an amazing and intuitive photographer. She shoots and posts and shoots and posts. Mostly on her Facebook page for now. She captures amazing landscapes with surreal lighting. All manner of birds and seals and other wild things from the shores and environs of her Vancouver Island home that she treats and presents as her buddies. It is delightful to watch her grow. Slowly but surely, I see my friend Judee’s online repertoire, her talent and confidence evolving. https://www.facebook.com/justjudee/ From our long acquaintance, I know Judee’s current life of light and creativity wasn’t always so. So I celebrate her as much as her achievements. Judee chooses to thrive and pursue her art.

You may be familiar with the story of the two wolves. The story is most often attributed to a legend from the Cherokee tribe, but there are various versions. In this short metaphorical story, a grandfather describes to his grandson how to manage his internal battles explaining that two wolves are fighting within him – with one being good (kindness, compassion, love, patience, et. al.) and the other being evil (greedy, petty, petulant, pathologically selfish). When his grandson asks which wolf wins, the grandfather simply replies: “The one you feed.”

The accumulated insults of living life, missing out, rejection, and/or trauma can interfere with our energy flow and creative output. One day, you accept that the dark history is as much a legitimate part of you, as your higher impulses. By accepting that, we can tame and contain our darker impulses. It is when we acknowledge both the dark and the light within us and around us that we can consciously choose the light and let it lead us forward. In living your life, pick your wolf friends carefully. Inside and out.