I needed a humorous distraction today. This appeal landed in my inbox from a hungry entrepreneur.

Hey Qzzohsnzlk, One day I was casually scrolling on Facebook and came across a business conference invitation. I didn’t know the host but from what I could see, the information was exactly what I had been looking for…“

I believe the sender of that message meant to address it to me. It landed in my inbox after all. But the name Margot – my name – showed up nowhere in the invite, the salutation, or the body of the email.

It would have been personally addressed to me if my name was Qzzohsnzllk [quiz-oh-sen-zilk – my best effort at spelling it phonetically].

It is clearly a technical glitch. (Or is it? Now I wonder if I am the only one. I wonder if there is a whole population of Qzzohsnzlk relatives out there for me to track down.)

As a child, I was a devoted fan of Mxyzptlik [Mix-yez-piddle-ick] in the Superman comics. Myxyzptlik is usually presented as a trickster in the classical mythological sense. He possesses reality-warping powers which he uses to torment Superman and make his life difficult.

All that aside, I mostly just loved saying his name: Mix-yez-piddle-ick. It felt like the password to a secret club where you gained admittance only if you could say the “secret” name.

That is sorta how Rumpelstiltskin tried to trick a young woman. Through circumstance, the husband believed his wife could spin straw into gold when it was, in fact, Rumpelstiltskin who had done it. The young woman was clearly in a bind from which R. would only extricate her if she could guess his real name.

R. gave her three chances and the challenge was not going well. Had she not followed him one night and overheard his name said at a campfire, he would have taken her firstborn son. She guessed right, he didn’t and thus the story ends well for the wife, though R. was pretty ticked about it all.

And speaking of fairytales, you gotta laugh at some pitches that pop up in your inbox. Absolute strangers are taking an absolute flyer on seducing you into parting with some serious coin with their bold promises.

They work hard to get you to pay them money to find out how THEY did it (whatever “it” is, but usually almost instant fame and wealth). This pitcher apparently made $100,000 IN HER FIRST THREE MONTHS and now “so can you.”

She assures us her journey was not entirely a cakewalk: “I showed up. Got the answers, did the work, and the results came quick!“

Deliciously vague, no? As a curious type, I have questions. What did she show up for? What were the answers she got? What were the questions she asked to begin with? What work? And what were those quick results you got? I need to see the evidence.

I’ve pretty much learned what does and doesn’t come quickly in life. I have learned that the most valuable things and things we truly value take time to acquire and grow. Family. Career. Friendships. Equity.

I have also learned the value of getting someone’s name right as a basic element of a successful marketing pitch.

I get the appeal of the “get-rich quick” schemes. I have been in financial hot water before. There are a few times I would have grabbed and held fast to a blade of eelgrass if I thought it would help me improve my situation faster.

The nice lady closed with this: “Qzzohsnzlk, sometimes you are only one idea away from a major breakthrough.”

Copy that. I have decided – no personal slight intended – I won’t sign up for your life coaching, get-rich quick scheme … I mean, offer. In my world, that counts as a minor if not a major breakthrough.

It comes down to this. I followed gurus and chased mentors my whole adult life. No question they were valuable. But at a point, your definition of success and the path to get there must be mapped out by you. That is, we apply the lessons we have learned and hold our breath. Of course, we all need support and encouragement and a few bucks here and there to get by.

I’ve learned a true feeling of success and the self-esteem that goes with it starts when you are finally conducting your own orchestra, not just sitting in first chair. I wish the life coach lady well. I know she is only trying to make a living like the rest of us. Who knows? She may be fabulous at what she does for many people. She just isn’t going to do it for me.

Respectfully yours, Q