I woke up this morning and turned up the heat a notch on the thermostat.

Chilly morning.

I gathered the contents of several random garbage bins and put their contents into a bigger kitchen garbage bag.

Then, I took the bigger bag outside to the curb and heaved it into the big green garbage bin that will be collected shortly by municipal workers.

I came back in the house. I fed the cat. Made a cup of coffee. Loaded and started the dishwasher. Returned to my “writing” chair to take my daily meds and write this post.

Almost all tasks were accomplished on auto-pilot.

I am big on “to-do” and checklists generally. They impose order and a sense of achievement.

At the same time, I am struck by how so many of our daily chores are done on rote. Automatically without much thinking.

This is desirable as my neurons are not firing a mile a minute until quite some time after I have woken from sleep and suffused my body in caffeine. If I had to think consciously about what to do to get the day started, there could be an unseemly delay in getting anything done at all.

The daily rituals we follow and patterns we establish in our lives can be both a help and a hindrance. Unexamined, they can find us stuck in unsatisfying ruts. But they also help. Because of daily habits and rituals, getting through the mundanities of our lives does not require a lot of thinking.

Imagine waking up every morning and having to write a “to-do” list just to get your day started. Profoundly inefficient. And memory issues are bound to arise up the road. That could lead to awkwardness if, say, we forgot to put on pants before leaving the house because it wasn’t on “the list.”

So with company visiting, I am struck by the existing taken-for-granted-ness in my own daily rituals and patterns. Company does not know where everything (anything?) is. Company does not know where anything (everything?) goes. Not yet anyway.

They are learning my environment as I have had to create it. When I arrived in this new house a few months ago, I didn’t know where anything went either. I had to figure out where to put things. I’m still figuring that out.

I had to organize the things about me and create systems in an unfamiliar environment. That may sound straightforward to people who grew up in stable, well-organized homes.

I didn’t grow up in such a home so every efficient organizational decision is a small and very personal victory. 

I have frequently enjoyed (too many times to count) the hospitality of our company on their home turf. Watching dinner preparation unfold between them was always akin to watching the operation of a well-oiled machine.

There is a choreography and unspoken layers of foundational understanding between them. This foundation makes the whole process unfold seamlessly with unfailingly delicious results at the dinner table.

In matters of hospitality and meal creation, I am a clunky awkward adolescent. I have some tools to contribute to meal-making and a few tricks up my sleeve. I’ve never starved or inflicted food poisoning on my kids or anyone else I care about. That’s a good track record and starting point.

But I was a single person for much of my adult life. Most of the hospitality I longed to offer was lived in a dream state. Or in my role as an Airbnb hostess.

There were several satisfying social events in that hosting context, if infrequent. A while ago, I decided I want more social outings with friends in my life. I want to be more hospitable more often and have people over for visits and meals.

Yesterday, the nub of that dream was realized. He commandeered the bar-b-q and grilled the steaks to perfection (as he always does). She took over the prep and set the table perfectly (as she always does).

I chipped in with necessary elements of the meal I was pleased to have at hand: dishes, and, glassware, and cutlery, and serving dishes, and my own special vegetable contribution.

This elaboration may seem flaky and a little foolish to those who have enjoyed the easy patterns of long marriage and hospitality every day for decades.

To actually actualize these commonplace rituals at a later stage in my life is both a wistful and deeply appreciated development.

My husband and I moved into our new house several months ago. Our visiting company and falling into routines and sharing a perfect and delicious meal together christened the space.

Our house has officially become a home.

I am grateful to these old friends who, by their presence, have proven the inherent value of hospitality and sharing our space I secretly longed for.

Their presence has diminished the anxiety I felt about my ability to pull it off. To be fair, they are also very forgiving of my shortcomings

More sharing and socializing is a ritual and pattern I am eager to establish in my life. It means more to me, I figure, as it has been absent and a distant goal in my life until only recently.

Beyond grateful for the opportunity. Time to get those housewarming party invitations out – stat.