Fighting fascinates me. I wonder about its purpose sometimes. Its many manifestations. Its goals.

Defense obviously. But what mysterious forces in us are triggered to know it is time to fight and when it is time to beat the retreat? Hope figures large in this I think. If there is a fight spoiling to happen, and we have a notion we can prevail, we engage.

I am currently in that position where I have engaged in the fight. I am operating on hope and will until I no longer can.

There are so many different kinds of fights. Boxing comes to mind. Fencing, too. And then the largely orchestrated (think WWF) and much narrower world of competitive sports. Not a platform available to everyone and not “fighting” per se. There is fierce competition at play in every basketball, football, baseball, soccer and every other sports match.

And then there is the big one: life. I’m not sure how intentionally we are prepared for the daily fight we all engage in. The methodologies of how we fight that every day fight vary as wildly as the individuals in it.

Preparation for life takes many different forms. We call it education. We call it character building. We call it “learning to play nice with others.” Through our activities growing up, we learn the rules of how to be in life and act on what we believe it takes to succeed and excel.

The fallacy that is perpetuated, of course, is that we all have an even shot at the spoils of living. We know it isn’t true. We know that many different factors influence our chances for success in life. Indeed, it is our background that determines the type of education we get or have access to.

I am currently engaged in a fight that matters to me. A lot. What I am currently reflecting on is how to approach this fight. In the past, I sat on committees and boards where I went to the wall for what I believed I wanted or believed in. I researched ad infinitum. I spoke ad nauseam. My perception of what I wanted to get out of the fight often seem a bit silly in retrospect.

I am fairly aware I am fighting a losing battle. Still I am compelled to fight. I believe it will be important to me to look back and know that I stood up for myself. That in the face of odds weighted in my opponent’s favor, I did not back down or just slink away.

I am less shrill and desperate than I have been in past fights. I am using different strategies. Stall tactics. Dragging my feet. Asking for more information. Digging desperately through building codes and wildlife preservation regulations. Approaching our HOA for advice and background and direction. (A largely impotent exercise based on early information that came back to me.)

Doing it this time while maintaining my cool.

That’s a big difference from my usual modus operandi. In the past, I left a lot of broken relationships and bad feelings in the wake of my certitude and aggressive “take no prisoners” approach.

I am approaching it differently this time. I am doing so if, for no other reason, these people may very well be my neighbors in the not-too-distant future.

I don’t like it one little bit and I am doing everything in my power to avert that outcome. Meanwhile, I have to concede that may very well be the outcome.

Best prepare myself to suck it up.

If it is, what am I going to do about it? The bigger fight about that is going on within me. Most of the greatest fights in my life always have.