Friendship Revival

Friends happen.

So after months of disconnection from dear friends from away, I had a whole day of renewed friending. With old friends who are really more like family.

So restorative.

I learned again today it is vital to spend time with friends who have known you since you were little and who still love you.

These friends have seen me at my worst and have celebrated with me during my best times. And I with them when the tables were reversed.

Today I got to hear my dear friend Gerry regale me with stories of our wild and misspent youth on the rocky outcropping into the Atlantic Ocean known as the province of Newfoundland.

He reminded me of places we used to investigate as adolescent adventurers: Fort Amherst, Signal Hill, Fort Pepperell, Quidi Vidi Lake, The Battery and the Gut. Even the names sound reminiscent of another time and place, which, indeed, they were.

Newfoundland is celebrated for its hospitality and the warmth of its people and the general bonhomie that prevails there. Though not born among them, I am proud to be of them by a form of adoption they extend to tolerable “mainlanders.”

In Gerry’s now-muted Newfoundland accent and the laughs that emerged from the depths of his belly on our futile drive around today, we made more memories. I fully expect to be the butt of Gerry’s jokes in the retelling of Gerry’s stories up the road.

Back at home, best friend Diane and hubby Hank got to bond over their mutual concern for our whereabouts. We had texted that we were alive and well. But the new-fangled SIM card that was just installed in her phone wouldn’t play ball.

I miss these days for their infrequency. As we have gotten older and separated by time and distance, it is harder to stay connected.

Which is why refresher visits like this one are absolutely essential.

Friends – especially longterm friends – carry pieces of us around with them. We remember things together. We laugh at the same old jokes. We bathe in the comfort of old stories and updates on other old friends.

It is a profound comfort to have such friends in my life. Still.

With that, I am going to continue to enjoy them for the rest of the evening and for every day that they are here.

I feel very lucky and honored to have known both of them for so well and for so long. Definitely a family of choice.

This is the kind of friendship that money absolutely can’t buy.

And yet, I feel very rich.

Auld Lang Syne

I think of what I might say to my friend from long, long ago.

When I see her again.

I think of what it will take to get to where she is now. Winging my way back to visit someone I have not spoken with in person for … ever.

The journey-to-be plays out in my head: first getting to the airport, arriving, navigating the checkin counter, the security line, the waiting lounge, the flight to her current there, arriving.

She’ll order a soda with lemon. I’ll have a tonic water with lemon, too. We both turned our backs on mead and the grape some time ago.

I imagine we will gently jog down memory lane.

Trying to look at life and our life as it was then through the microscope of hindsight to recall – inaccurately – what once was and will never come again.

I struggle to remember what it was that tore us asunder all those years ago. What words did I say? How did I act? I writhe internally with discomfort as I recall all the possible friendship-fracturing infractions. I was a troubled child.

Why did she matter so damned much? What was it that created such an impassable gulf between us until now, all those years ago, to arrive back at where we are now: a place of truce and reconciliation?

Age, maybe. Curiosity likely, too. Two friends who knew each other when they were young nobodies. Perhaps we want to test each other and ourselves to see if one or the other of us remembers anything from back then in exactly the same way. Unlikely.

She became a superstar. Her god given talents fully explored in this lifetime and her contributions globally recognized and lauded. It is fair to say, our paths diverged.

Yet, here we are making a conscious choice to reconnect. And to what end, I wonder? For my part, I loved her much. Banishment from her life ate away at my soul for my whole adult life.

So maybe, our reunion is simply that. To be able to tell her how much I missed her. How much less my life was without her to share it as we once had without even touching base occasionally. To give simple thanks for the gift of grace and forgiveness she is giving me for sins which neither of us remembers now with any clarity.

To sit at her fire and hoist a mug again. It truly is only that I seek. To let her know how much she meant to me and how affecting the loss of her presence was. And to tell her how happy I am to see her. One more time.

Up we’ll both stand in whatever social venue we mutually selected and agreed upon to share this ritual of reunion. We’ll hug likely, and share pleasantries and reaffirm that yes, there once was something of substance that mattered between us as friends.

She’ll turn and leave to go back to her there. I’ll turn and leave and head back to my temporary lodgings and start planning the steps needed to eventually fly home.

After that meeting, I expect I will never meet with her in person again. We will leave each other along the way as we once did so many years ago. But we’ll leave each other this time … differently.

What’s Your Happy Place?

I recently had cause to think back on some of the places in the world – my world – where I was most happy. Certainly, they were nearly all beautiful and peaceful. But not always. Some were surprisingly comfortable and comforting in unusual ways. I remember happy places where I felt most safe and most seen.

A box of lifejackets, for instance. Traveling as a teenager between Newfoundland and the mainland, I had barely been able to pay the fare for the trip let alone pay extra for sleeping accommodations.

Traveling “suiteless” meant you could end up sleeping on hard plastic theater seats on one end of the boat or the other. There was always the floor if my kit included a sleeping bag and a backpack I could fashion into a pillow. Sometimes I carried a pack but sometimes I didn’t.

To this day, I don’t remember how I discovered the box of life preservers. Natural curiosity I suppose. But I do remember looking into the sturdy grey-painted plywood box full of equally grey PFD’s (personal flotation devices) and having an Aha! moment. There were at least two feet of space between the cover and the lifejackets. I could fit in there. No sweat!

But I was civic-minded and afraid enough of the law to not open up and settle amongst the life preservers without “permission.” I took my idea to a kindly-looking purse nearby. I interpreted his first reaction to my request as not to fetch the law but maybe the whitecoats. Registering how young I was, he quickly softened and granted me “permission” to sleep in the life preserver box overnight.

He added – unnecessarily, I thought: “You’ll have to get out of the box right quick if da passengers need ’em.” The brogue was strong and to me, that meant he had that Newfoundlander born-in-the-bone sensibility about helping your fellow human beings. I slept the sleep of the just on the ferry crossing that night.

Other happy places were further afield in the world. In India, somewhere near New Delhi, I believe it was, a nice young Indian Sikh in a red turban took me to a temple at dusk. The setting sun was that magnificent red and orange and purple that defies description even in pictures. You can only fully appreciate it if you see it for yourself.

At a point, the Sikh raised his hands and clapped. A cacophony of budgerigars came flying out and swooping down from the rafters. They were every imaginable color that “budgies” could be. And there were thousands of them. Living outside. Free and magnificent.

They flew several thousands of meters away from the temple. They were like a light show or living rainbow that cackled in unison as budgies in captivity sometimes do. But these beautiful birds were not on a perch in a sad, little pet shop. Their beauty took me aback as did the young man’s ability to cause them to fly on command. Or so it seemed.

There was a particular stop on a Himalayan trek that has stayed deep within me. On a gorgeous morning with a postcard-clear blue sky, I stopped on my trek to put down my pack at a stone cairn to rest. When I turned around, the full majesty of Mt. Everest rose before me. Its apex was covered in snow being blown by high mountain winds. The peak was framed on either side by clusters of multi-colored flowers from the rhododendron forests it sat behind in the distance.

“Rhododendrons?” I wondered aloud. My mind clung to an image of small tidy bushes planted by the front steps that many Canadian gardeners cultivated. But these were in no way that. These were tall, towering trees heavy with blooms in red, white, and pink. My trek through the canopy of Rhodos was more special when I realized I would not likely see such magnificent trees as these anywhere else on the planet.

Other happy places I’ve been to have been smaller and more private. Snuggling beneath a down comforter or featherbed, preferably with a hot cup of tea and milk. Sitting down in the middle of a forest propped up against a stately old moss-covered tree, absorbing the cool and the woodland fragrance. Sitting in snow, carefully shielded from the cold, and breathing in the ir that froze the hairs in my nose.

Occasionally I have also found a deep level of peace and happiness in someone’s arms. This unique comfort generic to lovers is but one of a million reasons why coupling up is attractive. Just knowing there is another living, human being breathing beside you, ready to face the day with all of its potential joy and challenges is amazing.

So today I feel myself drifting off to another happy place. The ocean off Sri Lanka where schools of brightly colored aquatic fish and marine life swam before me in an endless pageant of color and shapes. Again, that vista offered the dual comforts of peace and beauty.

I never forget that I am beyond fortunate to have these happy places to revisit. I was very fortunate to have visited them in the first place.

And I am also very happy for the chance to go back into my memories whenever I want to relive them again when I want to. Like now, for example…