Lately, I’ve been reminded how outdated some of my thinking is. Some days, it feels like all of my thinking may be outdated. That is excessively harsh, I expect.

I was raised with the understanding that growing up meant we experimented with life through its various stages to test ourselves and discover who we are.

As children, we try different things (our parents usually make sure we do!) to see if they take hold in our lives and psyches or whether they get tossed. Do you really want to go back for another season of ballet lessons this year? Or maybe you’d rather try karate on for size? Or raising goats?

Today the message and mantra floating around in the Great out there seems simply to be: “Be whoever you need you to be.” To be accepted. To be hired. To be liked. To be loved.

And if whatever that is doesn’t fully synch up with who you are or what you believe, there’s a reason for that:  “Hey. We all need to pay the bills.”

Be yourself? Don’t be ridiculous! Nobody wants any part of that. Listen instead for these insightful messages! “Try this eyeliner with that mascara” intones some teenager, who chirps: “Your eyes are really going to “pop.” (For a time, that saying conjured up quite an image that alarmed me. Until I learned that it meant the eyes would “stand out” and not “pop out.”)

I’ve had a lot of opportunities in my life. I’ve been able to marinate in numerous environments and activities long enough to give me invaluable feedback about who I am and who I am not. These experiences and preferences and I dare say, passions largely influenced and still influence my day-to-day choices and preoccupation.

I grieve the abject superficiality out there in the Great Beyond and yes, the silly sameness of the expectations placed on the current generation. “You are only as good as your last Tik Tok post.” Apparently. And what is the soul-nourishing learning about self that comes from these noisy, public, repetitive posts? “I applied my eyeliner in that video WAY better than she did.” Un-hunh.

That is supposed to build character and inner resilience??

Intrinsic qualities like patience and discernment and willpower aren’t easy to determine in someone at first glance. But they often might be assumed as qualities in someone possessed of quiet grace. Something who doesn’t have anything to show off about or prove.

Maybe that’s when maturity kicks in. Unless you choose to grow old without growing up … that’s common.

I was thinking about things in life that take time to mature to a point where we can enjoy themin their finest incarnation. Their peak of perfection.

Cheese. Fine wines. The vapors and rhythms that swirl in old buildings where the outpourings of legions have been comforted. A love or marriage you have nurtured from Day One (and a few days no doubt before that) with unwavering devotion.

Those values seem to have gone the way of the Dodo bird. But I’m not convinced all that many people are totally buying into the superficiality and sameness. Little wonder the therapy industry is booming and antidepressant sales are off the charts.

When the environment you are in (i.e. the world) does not feed your dreams and passions; if that environment does not allow you the time and space you need to explore yourself in pursuit of your chosen interests; failure to thrive is not a surprising consequence.

The danger is waking up one day to find you “beside yourself” instead of “inside yourself.” May not seem all that far but, trust me; it is a hell of a lot of ground to cover to get back to you when you’ve lost yourself. Or worse, never found yourself in the first place ….