I am burned out. The following will explain a bit about why. In these deep life trenches that we all face occasionally, we look to who and what might lift us up or, at the very least, keep us from sinking ever deeper in our own morass.

Gratefully, there is available to us all the great universal arithmetic that a problem or situation divided by two becomes half as difficult to manage. Or bear.

These words below are from a lifelong friend who is as dear – dearer, in fact – to me than both of my own siblings. By a lot.

Draw near if you are struggling and stumbling or know someone else who is. This advice is universal and I don’t know who else needs to hear it today. I sure did.

I can only hope that you are equally blessed with such a “partner in crime” in your life who is willing to lift up the other side of the yoke and walk with you awhile. Even when your friendship is separated by time and geography and circumstance.

My friend refers to my dismay over the razed forest that came down behind us and was completely unanticipated when we moved into our new home just over a month ago.

A towering and beautiful canopy of old oak trees were summarily taken down in two days to make way for yet another ticky-tacky little Florida house. There are millions of them already. My friend calls it the Oak Tree Massacre (OTM, for short).

The right words at the right time can mean the difference between sadness or happiness, success or failure, life or death. Les mots juste. Does that sound over the top? Try making it through life without someone like my wise and wonderful friend.

She disparagingly calls it twaddle. (U is also good at self-deprecation.) I call it emotional manna from heaven. And an example of what we factor in on a daily basis to calculate the meaning of life.

Thank you, U. for making my load a little lighter and my heart, too. Plus you essentially wrote this post for me today. There is no greater sacrifice than to write a post for one’s friend. I am sure that is a reliable old truism time-tested by the ages. And if it isn’t, it should be.

U Words

You are exhausted, bone marrow exhausted— the deepest kind.

 I’m putting on my therapist hat on top of my friendship head. I’m going to give you something to consider. If it is helpful— great. If not— ignore.

Life in 3 abbreviated (and incomplete) sections, predating the Oak Tree Massacre (OTM)

1. The exhaustion and stress of moving. The looking, the disappointments, the excitement, the lawyers, the paper work, the electrical hookup, internet hook up, physically demanding and emotionally fraught scenarios of where’s my coffee maker, shit ! Did I lose my favorite pair of socks in the move, etc. etc. etc. – all multiplied by 2 people. Tough going, very tough and requires a lot of patience 

2. The exhaustion of caregiving for someone you love who is older. In different circumstances I looked after my parents. The phone calls in the middle of the night, or at work, that one of them had fallen, gotten sick, couldn’t find whatever… buying groceries, finding cleaners, cleaning for hours on end myself. And yet, I had the opportunity to escape to my home, to breathe, to see some good friends. You are isolated and you are worn down.

3. The 2 lists above are external contributors to what’s happening to you now, post OTM. The third is not and is probably the hardest. The propaganda we all buy as women about what it means to be a good spouse, wife, partner and the silent pressure to have and keep a perfect home.

In essence, the dream. The bargain on some visceral level inculcated from birth and whipped up further in our 60’s, 70’s, and 80’s that we can be everything at all times to all people. And if we believe that if we succeed in being all these things  life will be a dream incarnate. It’s not. It’s shit. But in amongst all that shit, we continue to find hope, faith and love. 

We hope that things and people will be good and kind to us, and we try to be and do that ourselves. We do this without guarantees. We should also hope we can be kind to ourselves. 

We have faith in our partner’s love even in the midst of a Donnybrook. We have faith that we have the knowledge to do as you’ve said “less said, soonest mended. ” We need faith that there is a solution of some sort— not a dream but a solution, if we but give it time.

And the love… we love when there is a fantastic sunset, flowers, and a cuddle. But we also love, as you well know, when there is shit quite literally in front of you. But please love yourself. You are lovable, and everyone of us is flawed. It is ok to be flawed. You are a good person. God only knows you try so hard.

The hardest thing to do is to do nothing. Please do nothing. Do nothing several times a day, and several times a week. Go to a Buddhist retreat. Sit on a rock. Drink a cup of herbal tea. Or caffeine if that suits you better. 

And so ends the sermon by U. I can be a pompous twat so ignore all of this if you wish— In short do nothing